Likely Debut, Not a Plaque

This is a SNF DEMO column, filed after the final: Giants 28, Cowboys 20. Giants fans may proceed directly to the part where the group chat gets louder than the television.

New York opened with a ten-play, eighty-three-yard drive and Cam Skattebo’s three-yard touchdown. First points of the Harbaugh New York era. Dallas had time to answer, and CeeDee Lamb did: replay reversed one call, the next snap ended in a one-yard touchdown, and the game went 7–7.

Then Jevón Holland intercepted Prescott at the Giants 45. Twenty seconds before halftime, Dart found Isaiah Likely for fifteen yards and the lead. Followed the coach up I-95 and caught two touchdowns before the MetroCard even warmed up.

Likely’s second score came after a twelve-play, seventy-four-yard, eight-minute-and-one-second drive. The line: eight catches on eight targets, seventy-eight yards, two touchdowns. That is a beautiful opening statement. It is also not a plaque. Pete can hold the bronze; Giants fans can hold the remote over the Cowboys group chat.

Dallas made it 28–20 when Prescott found Javonte Williams for seventeen and Aubrey’s extra point went wide right. Five minutes and twenty-one seconds remained. New York converted a third down, kneeled three times, and never gave the ball back. That is how you make a rival cope: keep the last possession and the last word.

Dart finished 23-of-29 for 230 yards, three touchdowns, and no interceptions. Enjoy the opener. Replay the Likely catches. Call it a good night. Just do not ask the desk to engrave anything before breakfast.

— Chip Absolute / Files SATIRE after the facts land. Never instead of them.